I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s life is an organisational nightmare.  I have calendars, diaries, checklist upon checklist to keep on top of my life.  And that’s just me – throw into the mix CHILDREN and those lists implode!

I’m sure it wasn’t like this when I was growing up.  My mum did a variety of jobs from night fill at Coles, to a teacher aid at my primary school.  She regularly worked, but there always seemed to be time for other stuff too.  When we were at home, I remember mum cooking or cleaning, while we played outside and kept out of her hair.  Weekends were open opportunities for freedom, and every Saturday night was homemade pizza and home-brand cheezles while we all watched ‘Hey, Hey it’s Saturday’ on the loungeroom floor.

I always envisaged a similar family for myself, but I never really got there.  I wonder – is that kind of life even possible these days?

Today, society places a lot of pressure on parents and kids to be engaged, connected and purposeful at each minute of the day.  As a parent, I feel guilt if I don’t set aside specific time for my children because if I’m not engaging with them and making their time ‘purposeful’ then they are drawn to the dreaded ‘screen’ (and that associates its own guilt!).

It’s not just pressure around my kids.  I work from home quite a lot, so connecting with other motivated professionals is important to me.  But lining up a time that suits each of my colleagues and friends seems rarer than winning the lotto!  Everybody is battling their own ‘busy’.

Technology also keeps us ‘available’ 24/7.  With a device in my hand constantly, I feel like I mustn’t let someone down when they ask a question or are reaching out to connect.  The problem being, I usually fill every gap in my day with something for someone.

I often ponder, is this the stage of life I am in?  Will this pass?  Or is filling my life to within an inch of itself a conscious choice I make, to feel successful, validated and purposeful?

While I don’t have the answer, I know that only I can be in control of my life.  If our core values are to be family focused, we need to assess whether our day to day ‘busy’ is following those values.  We will always have the push and pull of work and home life, however we are the only ones who can put weight on either side when it is required.

So, in the absence of ‘Hey, Hey it’s Saturday’, choose a few things that you value and enjoy and write it on one of your lists.  Don’t feel tempted to bump the things that fill your bucket and allow some ‘spaces’ in your life where you can do nothing at all.

Life is not the same today as in the 80s, but the relationships we have with our children are timeless.  We don’t need to have a family meal at the table every night if it’s not possible, but we do need to be flexible in finding another time.  Kids still need our time, and we also need a bit of time for ourselves.

(Unless we can find an extra few hours in the day?  If you find them, please let me know)

Want to get in touch with Megan from Key to Kids?

Click here to visit her website

Very few people intentionally embark on a parenting journey with the idea of doing it alone, and I can hand-on-heart say I certainly didn’t.  I have all the happy snaps of family holidays, ‘firsts’ that my children experienced and fun social events where the world viewed my family as ‘perfect’.

So you can imagine the grenade you throw into your life when you need to smash this image and announce ‘well actually no, my perfect family is not perfect.’  What’s a perfect family anyway?  Many of you reading this will have faced this experience also.. the pressure of public perception. What will people think?  What will people say?

Being a single parent is tricky, no doubt.  For some people, this was not a choice but something they were thrown into without a say.  For me, it was a blessing despite the hard days of actually acting on our decision – him moving out, putting our house on the market, negotiating time with the kids and making this as easy as possible for them.

If you are in the hard stages right now, I write this to you with hindsight and experience.  Here is what I’ve learned:

• You made this decision for a reason, don’t forget that. I had a dawning moment weeks after my husband moved out… I felt lighter.  Yes, I had to dig through the trenches of doing the parenting thing largely on my own but I no longer had that other stress hanging over me.  I could let go of something that had caused me years of pain, like releasing a helium balloon.  I felt as light as that balloon and that kept me focused and moving forward.
• Keep yourself surrounded by people who you love, and who love you. It’s often these tough times that prove to you who your people really are.  My relationship with my parents became so much stronger because all of a sudden those walls came down and I didn’t have to pretend to be happy any more, because I realised I actually WAS happy.
• Even if you hate your ex, try try try to keep things civil and amicable for your children. Kids need to feel stable and loved.  Discussing issues about the kids with them as a united front will reinforce that they are your number one (and they can’t play you off against each other!)
• Be kind to yourself. If you’re sad, allow yourself to be sad.  If you’re angry, allow yourself to be angry.  Don’t feel shame in talking to people about your challenges, whether with a friend over coffee or visiting a professional.  Be real with your kids and let them know (at an age appropriate level) that you are feeling sad today and that lots of cuddles are welcome.  Kids can handle more than we give them credit for.

Now might be tough, but picture yourself a year from now.  Then a year after that.

Life is not set in stone, we are in control of our own happiness.  I hope that your journey can be as liberating as mine.

Want to get in touch with Megan from Key to Kids?

Click here to visit her website.

Regardless of which camp you are in, there are a few things you can do to ensure that the start of your year kicks off smoothly.

1. Be prepared. I’m talking about the material side of things.  Make sure you have your bags packs, your lunch boxes ready (and they know how to open them!) and your uniform washed and ironed.  There is nothing worse than starting a new week (and in this case a new year) chasing your tail.
2. Be positive. Even if you are feeling hesitant about a teacher, other children in your child’s class or the school in general, don’t let your child overhear you saying negative things.  This will easily influence your child – and who knows, those worries you have may not even materialise?
3. Be energised. If your child has been having late nights and LOTS of screen time on holidays, it’s time to start readjusting.  Be open and honest with your kids about why these habits need to change in order to be switched on for school.
4. Be explicit with routines. Now is the time to sit down together and work out what jobs need to be done each morning, what kind of food is ok for lunch boxes, when you will be able to fit in homework… the more organised you are with this stuff, the smoother your life will be.  Making a job chart (like facebook.com/kidschecklist/ ) will formalise this process and increase accountability and consistency each day.
5. Be emotionally available. If your child is feeling anxious about starting or returning to school listen to their concerns sympathetically.  Try and avoid telling them how to feel or what to say… remember it’s their journey to take.

The new year can be the perfect time to kickstart good habits and reassess things that weren’t working so well last year.

Wishing all school goers and their families a great start to 2019.

Megan

Want to hear more from Megan at Key to Kids?

CLICK HERE to visit her website and keep up to date with all her parent savvy tips.